my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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