I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
