I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
