if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
