I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
