okay pat passed out under dana's car
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
