You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
