took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize