Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize