why didn't you poke me back
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
