It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
