but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
