omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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