if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize