Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
