dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize