try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
