This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
