When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
