just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize