Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I want her autograph on my taint
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
