Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize