I want to walk on stilts...naked
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
