i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
