the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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