When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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