You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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