i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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