Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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