Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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