I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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