honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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