dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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