GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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