i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We named our party play list daddy issues
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize