I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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