youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
