It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
