Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
