I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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