her vagine was all disorganized.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize