Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
