I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize