Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
