i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
