yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
