Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish I only lived at night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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