First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
