im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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