I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
