I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
