well I can't set my house on fire every night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
