Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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