its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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