physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
