i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize