Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
