maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
