She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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