His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
