Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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