I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
