I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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