nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize