So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
