Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
