We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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