it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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