A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
