So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
