He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
