he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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