We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize