I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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